There’s a lot that goes into making the perfect query, so first we’ll focus on the essentials—the parts every query must do at a bare-minimum.

Most people did a great job at getting the essentials correct, with a little over 54% scoring Excellent or Very Good. However, around 25% scored Fair or Poor.

On a basic level, the queries in the lower two brackets fell into two categories: a writer who is very new to the process, or a writer trying something unique, such as writing the query in the first person (from the protagonist’s perspective), or writing the query as a synopsis.

Mentee comments

• Formatting was very good; word count was right on target, and the author has clearly done their research. The bio section could have been longer, as it contained only info about the ms, nothing about the author.
• Make sure you kick off your query with either the hook or the novel stats (word count, genre, optionally comps, etc).Don’t split up your novel’s information in several paragraphs. Be as succinct as possible when introducing your title, word count, comps, and genre.
• Too much author info, not enough about the story.
• This was a sort of query/synopsis hybrid. Make sure you know the difference and send the right one!

Our advice

Each agent has their preferred wants, likes, and dislikes when it comes to queries. You should research what these are and tailor each query. Yes, each query should be tailored.

That said, there is a standardised way of writing a query that will form a strong foundation which you can then build upon.

1) Always begin:

Dear Agent’s Full Name,

2) Always end:

Thank you for your time and consideration,

[Your Real Name]

Using a pen name? Different agents have different views on this (which is another reason why you tweak) but if you feel it’s essential to share your pen name, you can follow this instead:

Thank you for your time and consideration,

[Your Real Name] Writing as [Your Pen Name]

3) The WHOLE query, from Dear Agent’s Full Name to Your Real Name, should be between 250-350 words long.

4) You MUST include: your manuscript’s word count, category (YA or MG), genre, and your manuscript’s title (we recommend writing your manuscript’s title IN CAPITALS).

5) Book vs Bio — the majority of your query should focus on your manuscript. The bio should be 2-3 sentences MAX, placed AFTER your paragraphs about the manuscript. You may extend the bio if your background has an important impact on the book. I.E. Your book is an OwnVoices novel or you are a molecular biologist writing about molecular biology. Use this sparingly.

6) Don’t spoil the ending. Remember, a query shares much in common with a blurb. You’re enticing the agent to read on. Save the ending for the synopsis.

7) No rhetorical questions. (At all!) And no writing the query in the first person from the protagonist’s POV. Don’t shoot the messenger—these are big no-no’s with agents.

8) Referencing Comp Titles. (Comp Titles = recent, published books that are similar to your manuscript.) While some agents are impartial to comp titles, some really want to see these so it’s best to always include them. Besides, it’s a double-whammy freebie for you: 1) Shows you’re well read in the genre, and 2) Shows that an audience exists for your MS.

Bonus-Bonus: When you reference your book’s title in the query, always do so in capitals. Same goes for Comp Titles (some writers present comp titles in italics).

But I don’t wanna do one of the above!

Here’s the thing: agents read dozens of queries every day. Sure, you can break the rules and be that person, but then you’re that person. The one who wanted to be noticed.

Do it right. Play it safe. Let the query do its thing and leave the flair for the MS.

Where to get help

Query Shark. Literary Agent Janet Reid covers everything about writing a query letter on her Query Shark website. As a bonus, she also has some queries that readers have submitted that she then critiques. Definitely look through her site’s archives to check these out.

Hook

How we rated the queries we received on Hook:

What’s interesting is how the five rating brackets can be simplified into three similarly sized groups:

• 33% Excellent + Very Good = Those who nailed the hook.
• 40% Good = Those who had a hook but had little emphasis/unoriginal.
• 27% Fair + Poor = Weak hook or no hook.

Given the importance of a hook—it’s what will get the agent’s attention and keep them reading—we need to see more queries escaping the ‘Good’ category and heading up into the green.

So what about those in the lower category? Going from the feedback, the issues with hooks came down to one word: clarity. Almost all queries featured a hook, but most struggled to make it clear.

Mentee comments

• The plot is a little confusing, at least the way it’s described here, so the hook was buried in a lot of plot description.
• I could summarize the hook of this book easily, but the story-specific details are so spare, it would be very generic. The writer approached the query like a very short synopsis, so it covers too much ground without delving into what made this story unique.
• The hook was presented early, and was pretty strong.
• The hook was diluted. I could kinda guess what it was, but it wasn’t clear enough. It needs to be easily identifiable so anyone reading it can say, oh, that’s the central conflict.
• I didn’t feel like there was a hook and if there was, it wasn’t a very fresh concept/idea to be noteworthy.

Our advice

A hook needs to introduce the plot and the stakes in one or two sentences. And it needs to present it in a way that has you scrambling to read the book.

Sounds simple, but we all know it’s not.

Unfortunately, there’s no easy way here other than trial and error. Try different combinations, tweak the tone; dig down to the core elements of the story and present them in a way that’ll make you want to keep reading.

Where to get help

Open your favorite books. Most books have a short, one-or-two sentence description of the story on the inside cover/flap copy. This is a hook, albeit one lacking in tone and voice. Check out book descriptions online at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, or your favorite indie bookstore.

You can also check out submissions for any recent Twitter pitch events, such as #Pitmad or #DVpit. Focus on the ones that gained attention. Why did they stand out? How did they pitch their story? How did they hook people?

Stakes

How we rated the queries we received on Stakes:

Quite a lot to unpack with this one. Over 56% of the queries we received scored Fair or Poor in this category, with only two entries achieving the top rating as ‘Excellent’.

If there’s one takeaway from this entire guide—one area that you absolutely have to focus on as you revise your query—it’s the stakes.

The good news? Chances are you already have stakes. The trick is to dial them up to make them clearer and more relatable.

Mentee comments

• This is a decent query, but my suggestion was to amp up what the MC really wants and especially what they’ll lose if they don’t accomplish that.
• Stakes were too vague. I didn’t know what would happen if the goal wasn’t achieved.
• While the character had a vague goal, there was no clear antagonist. There was no information to connect the character’s goal to the broader world of the story, so I wasn’t able to see why it mattered if the character succeeded or failed.
• The stakes need more specificity and I wanted more emotional stakes.
• The stakes were too vague. By the end of the query, I knew what was at stake — but it was written in about 200 words when it could’ve been presented in 20.

Our advice

A stake in a sentence: When XXX happens, protagonist must XXX, or else XXX.

That ‘else XXX’ at the end? THAT’S the stake.

Ask yourself what happens in the story. What’s the inciting incident? What’s your protagonist’s journey? What happens if they fail?

Failure = Stake

Stake = Why a reader should care about your hero

A good rule-of-thumb is to focus on the stakes within the first half of your manuscript in the query. I.E. Showcase the stakes, enough to hint at an incredible climax, but give away nothing.

If you’re struggling to add stakes to your query, the answer may be that your story lacks them or the stakes are weak. This is not the end of the world, but you will need to revisit this in your manuscript. Bring the stakes front and center, highlight why your protagonist needs to go on their journey. What’s at stake if they don’t? What happens if they fail?

Voice

How we rated the queries we received on Voice:

Voice is the final stage of query-writing. Once you’ve achieved the above (Essentials, Hooks, Stakes), you can now go through the query and infuse it with voice.

While I think a well-voiced query is better than one with no voice (check out this killer query on queryshark), the key word is WELL. With voice, you have to get it right, otherwise you risk dragging the whole thing down.

Personally, I think most people spend so much time fretting about getting everything else right, the voice has all but vanished. I.E. It’s become a shortened synopsis.

Mentee comments

• The writer’s voice is beautiful. You can sense the sense of adventure and the wonderment of the story from this query.
• The voice felt too light and at odds with what seemed to be a fairly dark story.
• I loved how the voice of the query seemed to match the MC I met in the opening page.
• The voice in the query was loud and proud and matched the voice in the first pages.
• Voice wasn’t overly present, which made the story feel like it didn’t stand out from many others that are similar.

Our advice

Once you’ve gotten through the above: nailed the Essentials, the Hook, and the Stakes, FINALLY you get to the fun stuff: voice. THIS is where you get to be that person.

Some tips:

1) Voice DOESN’T mean write from your protagonist’s POV. Don’t address the agent as your protagonist. Queries are best served in 3rd person.

2) Match the voice in your query to the voice you establish on the first page. Some of you demonstrated two very different voices, which means you’re sending mixed signals. The query’s voice is lighthearted, yet the first page is suspiciously sombre. Don’t have the agent playing guessing games about the voice and tone of the MS. Keep them uniform.

Bads

A few comments on some negative things we spotted. Many of which we’ve addressed above, but here are some things to keep in mind:

• There were a few cliched phrases, and room for more specificity. Really work to make sure your query stands out by including details presented with succinct brevity.
• A little typical of feeling like she needed to talk more about herself than the story with no information on what she did that wasn’t related to writing.
• The query was vague despite being high in wordcount. The author spoke poorly of their previous writing experience in the bio. There wasn’t any meta data.
• The query was more of a retelling of the plot rather than following a query format. The premise was really good but it needed much clearer stakes to make me invested in the MC and the story.
• Missing greeting, bio and signature. It followed a bunch of synopsis conventions like putting first mention of names in all caps, which one doesn’t need to do anywhere outside a synopsis.
• Just way too much filler about family members and what’s at stake for them instead of what’s at stake for the MC.
  

Goods

Some remarks on some of the great things we saw in the queries submitted to us:

• This author has clearly done their query-writing research. It was constructed and formatted almost perfectly, with some nice moments of voice shining through; I was especially impressed by how quickly and clearly the stakes were communicated, as that can be difficult.
• The plot itself is unique, quirky, and fun, and the query played that up! The hook was especially strong and the author knew to include it early.
• Killer closing line and really cool concept.
• I loved the concept, which was conveyed well in the first sentence.
• Communicated an interesting premise and made me pretty confident that the main character grows and changes over the course of the story.

Now what?

Now get to work tweaking that query and MS! AMM Round 5 opens on October 15th, but the submission window is open until the October 21st—use that time to revise your submission.

Remember that AMM is a mentorship program, it exists to help you become a better writer, NOT fast-track you on your way to publication. It’s a great program, but do be aware of what it is and isn’t, which leads us to a final point:

AMM is not the be all and end all of your writing endeavours. Whether or not you’re chosen, you’re still part of the AMM family. Mentor, mentee, hopefuls: we’re all in this together. We all share the same drive to help each other’s writings the best they can be.

We wish you the best of luck!

How did we do?

Was this article helpful? Is there anything you’d like to focus on in more detail? How did we do? Let us know!

A HUGE thanks to the mentees for offering their time by critiquing hopefuls, and for participating in the questionnaire. This guide wouldn’t exist without all of you!

Special thanks to Alexandria Sturtz | @asturtz for organising the Mentee Critique Giveaway, sharing this document via the newsletter, and her incredible behind the scenes work with AMM.

Special thanks to Joan F. Smith | @jf_smit for hosting this guide on her website.

Guide collated and written by Daniel Lupia | @DanielLupia